#hmu youre very funny and i would like to credit you

[bloodiegawz]

extremely professional scientific study

[hiyashortking]

Drunk Dialing Lucifer

Disclaimers and credit: read this post before reading any of my content, please.

Extra warning for this one: There are two suicide comments in the forms of “dark jokes” from the you/reader character. These comments are not challenged and they might hurt to read. Take care of yourselves, darlings. Suicide is not funny and if this was a full novel I would make sure to address that.

Summary: You drunk text and drunk dial Lucifer. He does the same for you later to help you cope with your embarrassment.

Text Message Exchanges

You: i want to duck you so bad, and ducking call you daddy the whole ducking time

Lucifer: Angel, are you okay? Do you need me to come get you?

You: this is not angeldust

You: duck, luci, it’s y/n

Lucifer: Yes, of course, darling. Where are you? Are you with someone? I tried calling but you’re not picking up. I’m worried.

You: im drunk

Lucifer: It appears so. Where are you?

You: i dnt know

Lucifer: Who are you with, darling?

You: vag char ad nifffff f f ty

Lucifer to Charlie: Cherub, can you check on Y/N and let me know if they’re okay?

Charlie: They’re fine. Should I take their phone?

Lucifer: No, that’s okay, sweetheart. Thank you! Have fun!

Lucifer to Vaggie: Maggie, can you check on Y/N and let me know if they’re okay?

Vaggie: Yes, Sir.

Vaggie: They are intoxicated. It appears 3 Long Island Iced Teas have been fully consumed. With their weight and height, this does not appear to be concerning, though I will prevent any further intake. They appear to be in good spirits, though unable to stand without assistance at this time. I will provide ongoing monitoring and support. Is this satisfactory?

Lucifer: 👍

Lucifer to Angel Dust: Angel Dust, can you check on Y/N and let me know if they’re okay?

Angel Dust: oh no Y/N and I are in big trouble, we need a powerful, strong, sexy man to come save us

Lucifer: Are you serious? Tell me where you are and I’ll be right there!

Angel Dust: relaxxx, daddy, all of your princesses and princes are just fine, but hmu later if you’re feeling lonely

Incoming Call from Y/N

Lucifer: Hi, sweetheart. I’ve been reassured that you are safe and well.

You: You are so pretty. Do you know that? I hope you know that.

Lucifer: Why, thank you. That is very sweet!

You: You have gorgeous eyes and I love your teeth. I bet it’s easy for you to make someone bleed; I bet you can’t even nibble on someone without piercing their skin.

Lucifer: Oh my. I should be sitting down for this.

You: I should be sitting on your face.

Lucifer: That- that can be arranged, darling. I didn’t know you felt like this about me. Or is it the alcohol talking? Shoot, should I be ending this conversation to prevent any miscommunication or possible embarrassment? What is the social protocol here? Oh- well, I guess you can’t tell me that right now-

You: Ssssshhhh

Lucifer: Oh! Of course. Yes, shushing. Shushing now.

You: You talk SO MUCH.

Lucifer: Ah, yes, sometimes I do.

You: I love listening to you talk.

Lucifer: You did just shush me, but I’ll try to believe you.

You: Oh fuck, I’m sooo sorry-

Lucifer, laughing: I’m joking, darling, it’s okay.

Lucifer: You okay? Are you still there?

You: Yeah, hold on.

You, muffled: Huh? I’m talking to Luci. I’m trying to tell him how much I want to ride his dick.

Lucifer: Oh my!

You: What do you mean am I sure? I don’t know. Are you sure? Wait-

Call Ended

Text Message Exchanges

Vaggie to Lucifer: Sir, I believe Y/N to be making poor decisions. I have confiscated their phone and will bring them home shortly.

Lucifer: You’re the best!

Vaggie: Update. Y/N has been properly hydrated and brought to their room. They have fallen asleep.

Lucifer: Thanks, Magz. Charlie home okay, too?

Vaggie: Yes, Sir. Getting ready to sleep, as well.

Lucifer: Excellent, you rock! 🔥🔥🔥

The Day After

Text Message Exchanges

Lucifer to You: Good morning, beautiful. I hope you’re feeling well. Would you like me to bring you some breakfast?

You: I’m grounded. I’m not allowed to eat or drink and I’m definitely NOT allowed to text you. I am fucking mortified. Vaggie said I had the audacity to call you? I’m so sorry, Your Majesty.

Lucifer: Oh, stop! I was wildly flattered by what you were saying, but surely you didn’t mean any of it and it was just the alcohol speaking.

You: You’re too kind. I’m a degenerate and I will punish myself accordingly.

Lucifer: Hey, now! All you said was that you wanted to duck me! I’m not even sure what that means. I am so very old, you see. 😜 For all I know, it means you’d like to hold my— hand.

You: I wish I wasn’t already dead.

Lucifer: Beautiful, please stop! I will wipe the night from my memories if that is your wish.

You: PLEASE.

Lucifer: Okay. Can we start over?

You: Yes, please.

Lucifer: I think you’re very pretty.

You: Stop!

Lucifer: And I’d very much like it if you sat on my face.

You: AAAHHHH delete my number, I’m blocking you and setting myself on fire.

Lucifer: Nononononono I’m joking, please don’t!

You: 😭 How am I ever going to be able to look you in the eye ever again? I am MOVING and changing my name.

Lucifer: Okay, okay. I have an idea.

Lucifer: I’m going to get drunk and call you tonight.

You: That … might actually help.

Lucifer: Excellent! I’ve been known to make a huge fool out of myself while intoxicated, so this should cancel out your behavior, and even earn you some credits to say plenty of lewd things to me in the future.

You: 🤦 We’ll see about that.

Later That Night

Incoming Call From Lucifer

You: Wow, you’re really doing it, huh?

Lucifer: I did not think this through.

You: What do you mean?

Lucifer: Well, now I’m drunk, and I’m alone in my room, in the hotel, very close to where your room is, and I’m having a really hard time not just walking over to you.

You: Oh yeah, and what would you do then?

Lucifer: I would ask for permission to kiss you.

You: Damn, even drunk you are polite.

Lucifer: Not polite, just bare minimum decent.

You: I’m wet.

Lucifer: What?

You: I said, I bet.

Lucifer: Hm, well, you see, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what it would be like to kiss you. Your lips seem so plump and soft. You once struggled to lick something off of them at dinner and I’ve come to that image of you in my mind.

You: Oh shit!

Lucifer: Is that okay?

You: Yes. Fuck yes. Tell me more.

Lucifer: I love the way you smell and desperately want to taste you.

Lucifer: I want to taste your lips and your tongue and your face, your neck.

Lucifer: I want to feel your skin and squeeze your ass. Fuck, I can’t talk about your ass.

You: Yes, slow down. What do you want to taste after my neck?

Lucifer: Your tits. I want to see and inhale and touch and tongue and gently pinch. I want to worship your body. I want to make you come by sucking on your tits.

You shake a little as you let out a breath.

Lucifer: I want to fucking devour your thighs. They are magnificent. I want them around my head, around my waist. I want my hands and tongue all over them, every inch. I want to see your fat jiggle when I slap my cock down on them.

You, whispering: Oh for fuck’s sake …

Lucifer: Darling, I think I’m out of liquor.

You: Wha-

Lucifer: Have I done a good enough job for you tonight, or would you like me to continue? I could go down to the bar and get some more.

You: …

Lucifer: Precious, are you there?

You, clearing your throat: I-I’m here. It’s okay. I have completely different reasons now to feel embarrassed and like I can’t look you in the eye.

Lucifer: Oh no, that was not the intention.

You try to settle your breathing.

Lucifer: I’m outside your door.

You: No. No, go away.

Lucifer: My safe word is Duckling. Use it and I’ll go away.

You: …

Lucifer: Open your door, beautiful. I want you to be comfortable around me.

You: I don’t know why I didn’t see this coming.

Lucifer: You are entirely in control. Say the word, and I will go back to my room, or I’ll go downstairs for another drink. Tell me what you desire and I will make it real.

You twist the handle and pull open the door.

Call Ended

[raccoon-eyed-rebel]

Making a mess of Mikey

Masterlist

A/N: I once vowed I would never write this. I swore I couldn't see sub!Mikey, and I didn't like him. And then this happened. I'm giving special credit to @geralts-yenn for making me think about cheering a very sad Mikey up, and then @ellethespaceunicorn for being awesome and having a whole ass conversation with me about turning this sweet boy into a whimpering little mess and... Somehow we got to this point, where we're... pegging Mike. I guess. As a process, it doesn't really make sense to me, either, but have some smuts.

Pairing: bi!sub!Mike (Hellraiser) x reader x Black!ofc (Aneesa)

Summary: Mike is a little down in the dumps after a breakup, and you and your girlfriend try something to cheer him up that turns into a fun experiment.

Word count: 4.4k

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, SMUT, MINORS DNI. Light sub/Domme dynamic (s/D/D, mayhaps), fingering (m receiving), oral (m and f receiving), p-in-v sex, pegging (so: anal penetration, m receiving), creampie eating, very light spanking, dirty talk, some nicknames (baby, good boy, slut, whore, stuff like that), implied-ish praise kink, handcuffs, degradation kink.

I think I got them all. HMU if I missed any!

@geralts-yenn @deandoesthingstome @keanureevesisbae @fvckinghenrycavill @ellethespaceunicorn @peaches1958 @sillyrabbit81 @peyton-warren @summersong69 @mayloma @livisss

You’ve never seen him like this. Sure, he’s been knocked on his ass by a breakup before, but he usually solves that by knocking back a few beers. And some shots. And some more shots. And finally some drunk hook-up as a rebound. There have been guys. Because he’s Mike, and he isn’t picky. But this... You’ve never seen this... He’s in bed – at least half naked – and he’s not moving, his phone is blasting what '10 things I hate about you’ so eloquently described as ‘angry girl music of the indie rock persuasion’, and he doesn’t respond to whatever you throw at him.

“Well, he’s a goner,” your girlfriend Aneesa concludes after poking at his shoulder for a bit and getting no reaction. “Hey, Mikey, psst!” Waving a hand in front of him doesn’t work, either.

“I know something that might get his attention,” you purr into her ear. A wide grin appears on her face, and you can tell she’s thinking what you’re thinking. You both crawl onto his bed – which still doesn’t get you any kind of reaction – and lean in to kiss each other.

Let the records show that Mike has never asked you for this. Ever. And that’s precisely why this feels more than just fine. This. Sitting on your knees on Mikey’s bed. Holding Aneesa as close as possible. Kissing each other softly, still hoping to pique Mike’s interest enough to get any kind of reaction out of him.

“This is not fair,” Mike groans. He has moved into a slightly curled up position, giving you a little more space to move.

“Hey, he’s alive!” your girlfriend says as she drops down on the bed next to him, leaving you sitting at the foot of the bed on your own. “Anything we can do to make you feel better?”

“You were managing just fine,” Mike says as he smiles apologetically. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, Mikey,” you chuckle as you drop yourself on top of him. “We were doing that on purpose.”

“Why does it turn guys on so much to watch two girls make out?” Aneesa wonders out loud.

Mike laughs. “Making out is hot? If you’d been guys, I would have asked to join you.”

“But not us?” you tease as you stroke a stray curl out of Mike’s face.

“I mean...” he stammers, “you’re both very attractive. Smart. Funny. Good friends. I love you guys to bits... I’d be lying if I said it had never crossed my mind...”

“So, we’re here now,” she continues your teasing, “what’s the holdup?”

“I, eh... I’ve never...”

“Had a threesome before?” you suggest.

Now, Mike laughs louder. “Not with two chicks, no.” It’s not entirely the answer you expected, but it’s not surprising, either.

“So...” Neese starts, wiggling closer to Mike. She’s curious, you can tell. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her in.

“I ended up in an all-guys thing once, that was nice,” he says casually, “and me and my first college roommate double-teamed his girlfriend a few times in freshman year. Also very nice.”

“But never this, huh?” she asks as you move up to softly kiss Mikey’s neck and ear.

“Are you asking me if this is the first time your girl sticks her tongue in my ear? Because in that case: nope,” he laughs. “Well... I mean, last time she did it she wasn’t your girl yet, but...”

“The two of you slept together?” she says – her surprise is mostly aimed at you.

“I told you. Mikey and I are very close,” you say as you shrug. You never really considered it a big deal. “So, gonna let us take care of you?”

He turns to Aneesa. “Are you into this?”

“Like I wouldn’t’ve dragged her ass out of this bed if I wasn’t,” she answers. You smile, knowing she wouldn’t have agreed to make out with you in the first place if she hadn’t been just as okay taking things further. When she first met him, the words she used to describe him afterwards were something along the lines of ‘girl, he is fine as fuck’, and you have to agree. He’s a very good looking guy, and a good friend. And he punches those dudes who offer to buy you drinks if you make out with Neese in front of them. Yes, that’s happened. More than once.

“Mikey...” you say as you run a hand down his side, pushing the blanket down as you go, until it’s resting dangerously low on his hip, “are you naked?”

“Yep,” he smirks, “you two need to get with the program.” Fine, if he wants you out of your clothes... You reach for Aneesa, pulling her along as you get back on your knees at the foot of the bed.

“No!” Mikey whines. “Don’t leave me. I wanna help!” He scrambles to his knees too, the covers falling away. He wasn’t kidding; he is completely naked. And completely gorgeous. You watch Aneesa as she takes him in. She likes what she sees, for sure.

“Nice dick,” she comments dryly.

He responds with a grin. “Thanks, it’s really starved for attention right now.” He’s so cute when he sounds hopeful...

“How about you sit back and do something about that while we take our clothes off and make it look pretty for you?” you offer, but to your surprise, he shakes his head.

“I’m not going to sit back while you unpack a pair of brand new tiddies for me.” When Mike smiles, the world always seems a little brighter, and a little sillier. “Let me help.” One eager hand reaches for Aneesa, another for you, and he pulls you both closer to him effortlessly. You and Neese look at each other, a devious glint in your eyes telling you exactly what it is you’re going to do next.  

You both make quick work of your shirts, and Mike’s eyes go wide.

“Ooh, pretty bra.” The grin on his face is so completely stupid that you can barely stop yourself from laughing. “Ooh, no bra...” He keeps looking, moving back and forth between you and Aneesa, but he doesn’t make any other moves.

“What’s wrong, baby?” you tease lightly.

“Eh... The logistics... Four boobies, two hands, one mouth. The math doesn’t work,” he laughs. Fuck, he’s so cute... You see Aneesa laugh, too, before she pulls him in.

“Come here, baby,” she chuckles before kissing him. For a few blissful minutes, you get to enjoy watching Mikey make out with your girl. It’s hot, so insanely hot to watch them, tongues tangling, mouths sliding, teeth biting into soft, plump lips. Your hand moves between your legs as if by magic, fingers tightly circling your clit while mentally urging Mike to keep going as his face makes its way down towards Aneesa’s chest. You moan as watch him eagerly sucking and nibbling on her nipples. Her boobs look smaller in his hands than they do in yours, but there’s plenty to hold on to nonetheless.

“Fuck, these tiddies are perfect,” Mike moans against Aneesa’s skin. “All of you is perfect. Hell, both of you are.” You hear the need in his voice and decide to pay a little attention to his cock. It’s big, thick, hard and the tip is an angry red that proves what Mike said about it being starved for attention hadn’t been a complete lie.

“Mike, get on your back,” you blurt out, barely able to keep yourself from reaching out to grab his dick.

“Okay,” he replies immediately, leaving Aneesa alone and doing as you told him. You let your eyes wander over his body. God, he’s so fucking gorgeous. It’s the earring in his left ear, and the small tattoo of an upside down cross you know he has behind his right, the nipple piercings, the fact that he has an R tattooed on his right hand and an L on his left... You absentmindedly stroke the tiny patch of black ink on his left hipbone. The letters are small, the lines are clean, the contrast of the ink against his skin is big enough to be able to tell there’s something there from a distance, but you can only read it up close: ‘slut’. It’s a good tattoo, despite what it says. Maybe because of what it says... He got it done on a dare years ago, and at first you were genuinely surprised he never got it covered up, but he swears it’s his favorite.

“Hmm, I like that,” Aneesa moans as she looks at the same place you have your eyes on, “you are a dirty little slut, aintcha, baby?” The way he smirks and eagerly nods in response to her question makes your pussy throb.

“I’m pretty sure we can do whatever we want with him,” you say coyly as you nod towards the restraints that are attached to the bars of the headboard.

“You want to tie him up?” Neese catches on to your little game and excitedly bites her lip. She doesn’t get to play this part often, because it’s yours, but she does have a certain aptitude for it. “But he’s being such a good boy.”

And like a good boy, he doesn’t complain when you fasten the wide leather cuffs around his wrists. In fact, he seems perfectly content shackled to his bed while four curious hands explore his body. Soon, it’s not just hands, but your lips that are all over him, too, until he’s squirming and moaning, begging you for more.

You’re the first to lick the length of his cock, and Aneesa repeats your move – a game you continue until you end up practically making out with her, except the tip of Mikey’s cock is caught in the middle of the action. Every time Mike looks down at the two of you, he whines softly, letting you know he’s enjoying the view. A lot.

“Hey babe, have you ever wondered what happens when you stick a finger up a guy’s ass?” you ask, watching Mike’s face closely as you say the words.

“Not really,” Aneesa says with a gentle chuckle to her voice.

“Well, the ones who like it look something like that.” You nod towards Mike, and she turns her head with a big smile on her face, paying close attention to the way his expression changes as you slowly and gently push your finger past the tight ring of muscle. “God, I wish I’d brought my strap.”

“By all means,” Mike moans, “use mine.”

You nod towards Mike’s bedside table and instruct Aneesa to grab you some lube. Mike immediately adds that she should feel free to grab whatever else she would like to play with. That comment doesn’t prepare her in the least for the contents of that nightstand – and you know that doesn’t even contain Mikey’s entire toy collection, which is quite extensive. It all started with a satiny blindfold as a gag gift from his friends – at the time – for his seventeenth birthday. Now, not even ten years later, he pretty much owns the contents of a whole sex shop.

After some final instructions – because you casually forgot that Mike owns more different kinds of lube than most people do toys in general – Aneesa tosses you the right bottle. Mike moves around impatiently, pulling his knees up a little to give you more space and easier access. He bites his lip in anticipation, big blue eyes begging you for more. Who can say no to that face? Not you, that’s for sure. At the same time, Neese is still digging through the contents of the drawers in search of something that piques her interest. You are so preoccupied with Mike’s face that you miss the point where she finds something that does seem interesting to her, so it takes a while before you notice what she’s holding.

“Curious?” Mike asks her suddenly, startling her so much she drops the box. You get back at him a little by pulling your finger out again, and smile as you watch him whine softly. He looks so sad you almost feel guilty, but you also know he will get everything he wants in just a short moment. You pour some lube on your fingers and continue your work, making sure to coat your fingers in the slippery substance before you slide one back into his now slick little hole, holding your other hand out to retrieve the set of butt plugs from Aneesa. Stainless steel, with a crystal base. His philosophy: if you’re at the point where you’re sticking stuff up your ass, you’re way past low-key, anyway.

“What happened to my Valentine’s gift, baby?” you coo as you pump your finger into him, making him moan softly.

“I still have it,” he replies, “still love it. It’s comfy.” The gift in question is a silicone plug with a heart-shaped base that reads ‘fuck me’, that you got him one year when you were hooking up on the regular. For whatever reason, you’re very happy he still uses it… A few absentminded strokes past Mikey’s prostate make him moan so deliciously that you lose your train of thought.

“More,” he whimpers. God, he sounds cute, but if he doesn’t mind his manners… A swift spank on his ass takes care of that. Fuck, he’s cute when he cries out, too…

“I’m sorry. Please give me more, please!” A second finger slips in almost as easily as the first, and when you don’t wait too long to add a third, Mike smiles and lets out a deep sigh. Aneesa is still sitting on her knees next to the bed, watching you, and more importantly: watching Mike as he slowly melts into a puddle of desperate need in your hands.

“Babe? Neese, you okay?” you check in. It doesn’t look like she has a problem with the scene in front of her – quite the opposite, in fact – but it never hurts to confirm those suspicions.

“Yeah,” she answers, seemingly breathless, “he’s so beautiful.” She tentatively reaches out a hand, gently scrapes her fingernails over the skin of his side. It makes him hiss and squirm, and then moan because you still have your fingers inside of him. His cock moves on his stomach as he writhes, spreading out the precum he’s been leaking since you started fingering him.

“Safeword is ‘turkey’,” Mike groans while he looks at Aneesa, “now, please, touch me.” That’s plenty to motivate her to crawl onto the bed again. She lies down next to him, and gently strokes his hair. Mikey immediately leans into her touch, and just from watching that one moment, you can tell she’s about to drive him completely nuts. If she has the confidence to…

“Such a pretty boy,” she purrs. So she does have the confidence. That discovery drives you more than just a little insane with joy. You choke back an almost sadistic chuckle when you watch Mike’s reaction to her voice. “And such a good boy, too. Taking her fingers like that, doing so well for us.” While she talks to him, Mike looks up to you with pleading eyes. You know exactly what they mean.

“He’s close, babe, he wants to cum. Should we let him?” The look he gives you intensifies, Neese sees it too.

“Oh, poor, desperate, needy baby!” Aneesa coos as she drags her fingers up and down his chest, occasionally running a fingernail over Mike’s pierced nipples just to watch him squirm and hear him moan. “He’s being such a perfect little slut though. I think we should let him.” It only takes a few more strokes of your fingers to pull him over the edge. Aneesa’s eyes are on Mike, watching him closely as it happens, but yours are on her. She’s still talking to him, stroking the side of his face, taking care of him while he turns into a whimpering little mess in her arms. You relish the sound he makes when you pull your fingers back and replace them with a plug.

“How’s that feel, baby?” you ask him, finding your answer in the look of utter bliss on his face. You’d like some verbal confirmation, though.

“Full,” he says as a lazy grin spreads across his face. You chuckle at his answer.

“Good,” you say, “I need that slutty little hole wide open…” It’s immediately obvious from the look on his face that he knows you plan on taking him up on that offer to use his strap-on, but as difficult as you find it to resist the anticipation in his eyes, you want to use him in a slightly different way, first. Before you can do that, however, you have to give the guy a minute to catch his breath, so you lie down next to him and snuggle into his side while he takes a break. On his other side, Aneesa does the same thing.

There’s a few minutes of peace, before Mike gets restless between the two of you, and his squirming makes you just as impatient. Soon, fingers and mouths are all over his body again.

“God, I want to sit on this gorgeous dick,” Aneesa sighs as she gives it a few lazy strokes.

“Next round, okay?” You wink at her, and she seems to understand perfectly that you have a little bit of a plan.

“You can sit on this gorgeous face, if you want?” Mikey says. His signature stupid grin widens even further when Neese moves to grant him his wish. In the meantime, you straddle his hips and use a hand to line his cock up with your soaking wet pussy. You know he’s clean. He texted you the results of his latest test not even four days ago – an hour or so before the screenshot of the break-up text.

The sounds Mikey makes while you slowly lower yourself onto his cock are absolutely delicious, especially once he gets his mouth on Aneesa’s pussy. This is fun. You get to make out with her while she rides his face and you bounce on his cock, and her fingers work your clit until you’re cumming all over Mike’s dick.

“Good boy, Mikey,” you moan, “now make her cum like that and I’ll give you what you want, okay? Can you do that for me, baby?” Of course, he can’t answer you – not with words, anyway – but judging from the sounds that spill from Aneesa’s throat, he’s getting close to doing as you told him.

“Keep him busy, babe,” you tell Neese as you climb off Mike and pull his harness out of the nightstand. You know it well, and it’s a bit of a bitch to put on, so you’re glad Mikey is nice and distracted, because he tends to become very annoying very quickly when he doesn’t have anything to keep him occupied while you wrangle the straps. You venture into the drawers again, rummaging around until you pull out Mikey’s favorite dildo. It’s neon pink, and was – once again – meant as a gag gift from friends who continuously underestimate Mikey’s ability to put his own pleasure before any embarrassment.

Even though you’re all set, you spend some time watching Mike and Aneesa, who seem to be having a great time giving each other head. If the blowjob she’s giving him is only half as sloppy as it sounds, you know he’s in absolute heaven right now. He likes ‘em wet.

“If you finish him off, I don’t think you’re getting any dick today, babe,” you chuckle, making Aneesa look up. She’s not happy about it, as she is clearly having a lot of fun sucking Mike off while he still eats her pussy like a man starved, but she does stop – much to Mike’s dissatisfaction, which, although suppressed by the fact that there’s still someone sitting on his face, is very evident.

His whining becomes louder when she moves to lie down next to him again. “You’re mean,” he says as he makes a face at Aneesa.

“Oh, babe, look at him,” she says to you, ignoring Mike and his puppy-eyes completely, “such a pathetic little whore.” He squeals when she pinches one of his nipples. You decide to give him a few quick smacks on his ass for good measure.

“Hey!” he whines, frowning at you. He’s good at that. A little too good, maybe. “I didn’t deserve that.”

“Did you like it?” you ask point-blank, raising an eyebrow while giving him a stern look. His little hint of an attitude disappears immediately, and you notice his resignation in his whole body, which relaxes completely.

“Yes,” he reluctantly admits before closing his eyes and gasping as you slowly pull the butt plug out of him and toss it somewhere on the bed. Aneesa takes her time watching you as you cover your strap with lube, then Mikey, who’s biting his lip and trembling slightly.

“Are you alright, Mikey?” she asks him. You’re grateful for her checking in on him, he doesn’t seem to see the need.

“Do you hear me say ‘turkey’?” he asks. You both roll your eyes at him and shake your heads.

“Baby, if something’s wrong, we’d like to do something about that before we get to ‘turkey’,” she throws back at him.

“Alright, alright, I know,” he laughs. “I am one hundred percent absolutely a-okay, now please, please, please…” You don’t wait for him to finish begging and gently start pushing the tip of your strap against his waiting hole. “Yeah, that,” he grunts. You’re careful with him, despite knowing he’s used to this, because that’s obviously what you do when you’re trying to shove seven inches of pink silicone up someone’s ass, no matter how many times it’s been done before. But God, you want to rail him hard. In a minute, you remind yourself. You’ll get to do that in a minute.

“Shit, that looks good!” Aneesa has moved onto her knees to get a closer look at what you’re doing. She’s clearly intrigued by the sight of the bright pink toy disappearing into Mikey’s body. It’s a shame he won’t be able to take any more after this – you know him by now, and you’re plenty familiar with your own lack of self-restraint as well. But who knows… Maybe next time?

She kisses you while gently stroking Mike’s cock when you’re finally completely inside of him, and you wait, giving Mike the opportunity to get used to the size of the toy – an opportunity he doesn’t necessarily need, but the waiting makes him impatient, and the sounds he makes when he’s impatient are adorable. So you torture him a little. Because you deserve it, and it’s so worth it. Next to you, Aneesa sighs appreciatively as she turns her head back to Mikey.

“He’s such a beautiful mess,” she whispers. Normally, he’d be able to hear it, too, but he’s far too preoccupied with what’s going on with his body to notice much of his surroundings. She’s right, he is absolutely gorgeous, especially looking as fucked out and spent as he does right now, with eyes that still beg for more each time they lock on yours. Slowly, you begin to shift your position so that Mike’s legs are on your shoulders, and his ass is on your thighs, and check if you can move like that. It seems to work just fine. You nod towards Aneesa, who understands you immediately and moves to straddle his thighs.

It’s tricky to get it right, but once you do, and she sinks down onto his cock, Mike’s eyes widen once, then close, and you just know they won’t open again for a long time. Soon enough, your thrusts fall into the same rhythm as Aneesa’s, and Mike’s moans and whines follow closely. Aneesa keeps talking to him the whole time, her praise coloring Mike’s cheeks as red as his lip is from his constant biting. Whatever answers he gives her come out in a cacophony of mumbling, growling, stammering, and whimpering – barely intelligible and drenched with the sound of pure ecstasy.

“Untie me, please,” you hear after a while. It’s a question filled with a desperate wish. Aneesa hears it too, and is more than happy to oblige. As soon as his hands are free, he wraps them around her, one tangling in her dark curls, the other resting on her back, where you reach for it and gently stroke him from his wrist to the tip of his index finger. He reacts to your touch by tangling his fingers with yours, and moving his other hand to Aneesa’s hip, guiding her through a final few thrusts until he finishes inside of her.

When she climbs off of him and wants to get out of bed to head to the bathroom, he stops her. A cheeky smile appears on your – and Mikey’s – face when you realize what he’s asking for.

“Come here,” he says, “and this time, you sit on my face. You don’t hover. Sit.” His grin is impossible. You pull out of him so they can find the right position, and you hurry to get out of the harness so you can find a nice place to watch Mike eat his cum out of your girlfriend’s pussy. It’s hotter than hell to see, and the sounds they’re both making – mixed with your own – are the perfect soundtrack for an amazing orgasm. Now you’re the squirming, trembling mess, sprawled out at the foot of the bed, while Mike gently nudges you with his feet, stroking your legs and just letting you know he’s there for you. It’s a much appreciated gesture that you gladly return.

You’re spent, all three of you, curled up in the most comfortable pile you were able to construct out of your tired and heavy bodies. As much as you want to think of something more pertinent or useful, you can’t seem to tear your eyes off of Aneesa’s arm, draped over Mike’s… whatever limb it is you’re looking at, you’re not quite sure anymore. The contrast between his pale and her dark skin is nice, as is everything else about the situation you find yourself in. Slowly, your eyes grow heavy, and you allow them to fall shut, surrounded by coziness and affection, saving your questions for later as you drift off to sleep.

[antivan-beau]

Quite awhile back, I was tagged by @dragonologist-phd​ in a fic writing ask meme! Thanks so much for thinking of me <3 

I tagged some people further down in this post, so consider yourself tagged if you’re seeing this notification now! Also if you’re seeing this on your dash and want to do this, sincerely just go for it, toot your own horn.

How many works do you have on AO3?

Sixteen works, including two fics for the 2021 Black Emporium rare pair exchange that were just made un-anonymous ;D

What’s your total AO3 words count?

Holy shit, somehow recently hit over 100k? 100,909 words.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Elder City - Extremely proud of this Zevran & Morrigan character study, not gonna lie.

4. Across a Crow'ded Room - Crowt3 longfic my beloved.

3. Break A Sweat - I’m happy this has so many kudos, since it’s Gen! A fic focused on the Locked Tomb siblings Ianthe and Coronabeth, written for an exchange.

2. Undone by Teeth or Temper - It is porn, so I’m not surprised by its high view count, but it is a femslash rare pair including a pretty widely disliked character, so I have to admit I’m pleased by the high views/kudos ratio.

1. Stupendous Work of a Titty Nature - I got in on the ground floor of the Locked Tomb fandom (pre-ordered GtN because I was a fan of the author’s previous work) and this was one of the earliest fics on AO3 for the series. Also it is silly teenage Gideon/Harrow shenanigans, so I see why people like it.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always! It amazes me when people take the time to comment on my stories, so I like to say thanks and start a conversation if I can :)

Also I met my literal, irl girlfriend through AO3 comments, so ~you never know~

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Considering I love to read angst, I haven’t written much of it. Arguably Test of Faith, which needs a second chapter one day.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Not that many people out there read Discworld fanfic, but No Rest for the Witches, Granny Weatherwax’s Very Stressful Day, is extremely wholesome.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

Crossovers aren’t my thing.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I live in fear of being cancelled for romanticizing shitty relationships via my Zevran/Rinna/Taliesen stories, but nope, no hate yet. Just for the record: I think their relationship is bad, tragic, and should not be emulated in any form. I am against girlfriend murder!! Also, I think their pain is entertaining and aspects of their story have the potential to be very funny.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I’ve written a modest amount of smut. My only smut fic to ever see the light of day so far is Undone by Teeth or Temper, though.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Thank goodness, no.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. Hmu if you want to, though!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not officially. But several fics have been brainstormed by me and other people, like many of the jokes in A Little Light Reading were thought up in a conversation with @aubergion​, @rlainarin​, and @m-m-m-myysurana​. And @snarky-warden​ has to hear every single crowt3 thought that enters my head, so she should get some co-credit for those, as well as giving me ideas for the very charming Zevran/Shianni fic I wrote for 2021 Black Emporium.

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Zevwarden, of course. Zevran/Rinna/Taliesen comes second. Third is “every other conceivable relationship involving two or more dragon age women.”

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I’m a clown who sincerely thinks they will finish all their WIPs one day.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I’m good at consistent character voice, and dialogue overall. It’s very flattering when people say they like my plots and stories, because I work hard at those, but I have a long way to go.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I love a good sword fight but I hate writing sword fights. My greatest weakness, however, is when a character has to stand up from a chair and walk from one place to another. Why is getting characters from place to place so vexing??

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Unpopular opinion but, personally I usually find it cringey. Just say, “She said, in Elvish,” or whatever. I also don’t like using real-world languages as stand-ins for fictional foreign languages. (e.g. French for Orlesian, or Italian for Antivan.) (I do this in my own fic, though, so I am a hypocrite.)

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Uhh technically it may have been Neopets?? But if you count “something I wrote that I mentally classified as fan fiction while I was writing it” I think it would be R.A. Salvatore’s Drizzt books. RIP 2 me.

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Across a Crow'ded Room <3 What a wild display of hubris and ambition to decide I could write complicated longfic when I had literally never written anything longer than about 1000 words. Still going to finish it, though!

[octaviadblake]

Ὀδύσσεια + τό ἑκᾰτόν

OR The Odyssey + The 100, an in-depth look at parallels to Homeric canon in season 6, and how the themes and motifs present on Sanctum mirror Odysseus’s 10-year journey back to Ithaca.

DISCLAIMER: I was a Russian Lit major, not a Classics major, so I’m not an expert on this. I did study Ancient Greek and Ancient Greek Drama for 6 and 2 semesters in college, respectively, though, but my expertise is more on The Iliad than The Odyssey so just...cut me some slack lol

If you’re not down for this 2.7k word mini-dissertation, here’s your chance to turn back.

So for those of you who don’t know me, I’m a major Classics nerd. I studied The Iliad in the original in college (and yes, I will be writing a series of metas about how s1-5 are The Iliad so keep an eye out for that), but The Odyssey remains, arguably, Homer’s most prolific epic. I’ve never parsed the text in the original, so I’m not going to be doing any sort of text-to-quote analysis because I think using a translation would be a disservice to the text (major Classics nerd. cannot stress this enough.), but I’m gonna be doing a rundown of all the major stops on Odysseus’s journey and how The 100 has mimicked each and every one of those stops in season 6 thus far.

Still reading? Cool, let’s do this thing.

Some of you may have already read my theory on the anomaly and how I think what lies inside is something like the Island of the Lotus Eaters. If you haven’t read it, you can check it out here, but brief summary: the Lotus Eaters is the first stop Odysseus and his crew make. The Lotus plant is so entrancing that it makes people forget all about their lives outside the island and coerces them to stay there, stuck in a sort of opiate-like blissed out haze of chillness for the rest of their lives, and I think that may be what’s happening in the anomaly, not time travel like others have theorized. Cool, moving on.

The next stop of Odysseus’s journey is the island of Polyphemus, the cyclops who intends to eat him and his men. 

(Giulio Romano, Polyphemus)

They manage to escape when Odysseus (using the fake name of “Nobody”) blinds Polyphemus and they hide under the bellies of his sheep in order to avoid detection as they escape his cave.

Let’s think, how does this relate to our heroes? What’s happening right now on the show, going into episode 6x12? 

(gif credit: @commander-anya)

Clarke is pretending to be Josephine in order to blindside the Primes and help her people escape.

In The Odyssey, this is a continuation of the theme of “hosting” or “guest-friendship” (a term I’m borrowing from wikipedia since I’ve been out of school for over a year and don’t feel like actually thinking for this pseudo literary analysis). We saw this with the Lotus-Eaters, and we see it again with Polyphemus. But the Cyclops is a bad host. So are the Primes. 

Polyphemus’s host gift to Odysseus is that he tells him he’ll eat him last. He won’t spare him, but he’ll give him longer to live than the rest of his men. One of the drawbacks, is that means Odysseus is going to watch all of his people die, one by one, until he meets his demise. 

God, how many times have Clarke and Bellamy watched their people suffer? And now the Primes have a way to make nightblood. They’ve turned Echo into a nightblood. Who’s next? Presumably all of them, one by one, until all the Primes are brought back to life. And with Clarke masquerading as Josephine, how many of her people is she going to watch be tortured? How many might she lose in tonight’s episode and in next week’s episode before they manage to beat the Primes and escape? How much have they lost? How much more must they lose?

We also get our first hint of the theme of “cunning over strength” (a term I’m borrowing from SparkNotes because, again, I really don’t feel like putting more effort into this than I already am lmfao) at this point in The Odyssey. Odysseus devises a plan to escape the Cyclops that involves very little violence compared to the blood-soaked battles that we saw in The Iliad. Rather than brute force, he uses his cunning to escape. 

Clarke is going in as Josephine. She's not going for brute force. She’s not barging in with an army (that part comes later). This move is pure Clarke, all head. Going with the most cunning plan, not the most direct, not the most violent, the most strategic. 

Clarke Griffin is Odysseus.

GODDAMN IM LOVING THIS. I digress.

The next major plot point in The Odyssey is Odysseus running into Aeolus, the god of the winds. 

(source unknown by me, but this image is public domain)

He gives Odysseus a bag containing the four cardinal winds which, when opened at the right time, will send him straight home to Ithaca. His men think that the bag secretly contains a treasure that Odysseus is hoarding for himself and they open the bag, releasing the winds, and sending their ship even further off course than before, prolonging their journey.

I stumbled over this one for a second because it could be a few different moments in season 6. Gabriel giving Clarke info on how to take down the Primes? No, where’s the sabotage there? Murphy attempting to help Josephine to get mind drives for him and Emori? No, he ends up doing the right thing and puts them on the right track. Spacekru & friends devising a plan to defeat the Primes and Madi attacking them, sending them off the proverbial course? Hmm, sounds about right.

To make this easier for me, let’s call Bellamy, Echo, Emori, Murphy, Jordan, Miller, and Madi Spacekru 2.0. Well, they’re trying to make their plan to “work with” the Primes so they can get a compound, a home, for them and their people. But Madi is the crew to Spacekru 2.0′s Odysseus. She has her own agenda. She wants the treasure, she wants her revenge. 

She attacks the Primes, releases the winds as it were, and all hell breaks loose.

(gif credit: @bellamyblakepositivity)

They’re thrown off course. How will they ever get their compound now? How will they get their home? 

[Fun etymology fact break: Homecoming is stylized in The Odyssey as “νόστος” (nostos), when an epic hero returns home via voyage by sea, aka the MAIN theme in this epic. We get the word “nostalgia” from nostos, mixed with άλγος (algos) which means pain. Nostalgia is the pain of yearning for the past or for home. Is nostalgia/homecoming not one of the key themes of The 100? Is it not one of the key themes of The Odyssey? (also you could probably write an analysis of how nostos is a hero returning by sea and the way that space and the sea are often visually/metaphorically compared, the way you navigate both domains in a ship, the way you have an odyssey and a space odyssey....but that’s a discussion for another time)]

Next up on the journey? Aeaea, Circe’s island. 

(gif credit: ? if anyone knows, hmu so i can give credit please!)

Circe was a witch who turned men into animals (mainly pigs in The Odyssey, but in another myth, into a woodpecker, which isn’t relevant, I just think it’s funny). Here we get the motif of transformation and false appearances, a continuation of the Nobody plot, and a motif that we also see with the Primes taking over other people’s bodies, constantly transforming their appearances. 

While climbing a mountain to reach Circe’s palace, Hermes points Odysseus to a plant which will make him immune to Circe’s transformation magic. Why does this sound familiar......

The neural mesh in Clarke’s head gives her resistance to the mind drive allowing her consciousness to survive the “transformation.”

 Like the Island of the Lotus Eaters (and the anomaly) Circe has the ability to manipulate the passage of time, or rather, the perception of the passage of time. Odysseus loses quite a significant amount of time trapped on her island. (It’s not actually 5 years, the mini-series fudged that bit a little since Homer never specifies how long it is, but I’ll forgive you, The Odyssey mini-series, because I love you so very much that I cried when I found you on DVD in a tiny Wal-Mart in the backwoods of Tallahassee two years ago)

We also get another look at the complicated theme of guest-friendship on Circe’s island. She is, quite simply, a terrible host. She traps Odysseus’s men, just like the Primes trap Spacekru 2.0. Odysseus frees them. It’s on Clarke to free her people from the terrible hosts that are the Primes. There’s a joke in there about the Primes bodies being hosts to the mind-drives. Anyway.

Odysseus’s next stop is the land of the dead. He descends into Hades (a very perilous feat) to talk with the blind prophet Tiresias. He also talks to Anticlea, his deceased mother.

My god, if that stop isn’t exactly 6x07 Nevermind. 

Clarke talks to Jake Griffin, and tells him she thinks she’s dead, she’s ready to give up, she’s ready to let go. Odysseus tells Anticlea he feels the gods are against him, his journey is fruitless, he’ll never make it home. I don’t think that parallel could be more obvious if it punched you in the face.

I think maybe Monty is Tiresias in this scenario, giving Clarke advice and helping her navigate the mindspace so she can send a message to Bellamy that she’s alive which will give her the advantage of having an ally on her side. Odysseus promises Tiresias he’ll make a sacrifice to him once he gets back into the world of the living bc the dead feast on blood or something like that, but that’s like Clarke promising Monty she’ll do her best to continue to honor his challenge to her to do better. So cool. Love it.

(gif credit: @janemichaels)

Thematically, this mimics the theme of “testing” that’s present in The Odyssey (thank wikipedia again for helping me on this one lmao). You get Odysseus’s men’s loyalty being tested, and you get Odysseus’s identity itself being tested.

Clarke is tested when she is faced with the option of giving up and letting go. Spacekru 2.0 (and particularly Murphy and Emori) are tested when they learn Clarke is gone, then learn she’s alive. Will they be loyal enough to her to save her? Hint: yes, obviously, because Spacekru 2.0 is way better than Odysseus’s crew. Will Clarke decide to push forward and fight for her life? Hint: yeah, duh, because she’s just as badass as Odysseus. 

Next comes the sirens. 

Odysseus’s ship sails through the isle of the sirens, whose song lures sailors to their deaths. Odysseus makes his men stuff their ears with beeswax so they won’t be tempted by the song, but he ties himself to the mast, wanting to hear it. I kinda struggled with this one, but then I realized, at this point, we’re not looking at Clarke as Odysseus.

We’re looking at Octavia as Odysseus.

Octavia is faced with her greatest fear. She ends up running into the anomaly after Diyoza. If I’m right about the anomaly being sort of the Lotus Eaters, then we could assume that the anomaly holds Octavia’s deepest desires; that might have been what she’d have seen if she’d chosen the green box. She hears the call, and resists. The temptation and the overcoming thereof. 

I think that’s clear enough, so I’m gonna skip ahead to the passage between Scylla and Charybdis.

Earlier, Circe had warned Odysseus of this choice he would have to make. Choose the 6-headed monster on the left and lose at best, 6 of his men. Choose the whirlpool on the right, and lose them all.

[Sidenote: how interesting is it that the anomaly is associated with a spiral shape, mimicking that of a whirlpool? Should we believe that if they enter the anomaly it is, in fact, certain death that awaits them? Or is it a metaphoric whirlpool, and they’re just being sucked in, never to return to their original mission of returning home (*cough* Lotus Eaters again *cough*)?]

(gif credit: @aryastarktheshewolf)

So I think this choice is reminiscent of Octavia’s choices of the red box versus the green box. Presumably, face her greatest fears or her deepest desires. She chooses the red box. Better to face her fears and risk dying that way than face her desires (the same green of the anomaly anyone??) and risk getting sucked in like Diyoza was, never to return. 

She never saw her deepest desires in the forest (from what we saw) so it makes sense that she would choose the red box. She knows she can escape her fears. Blodreina no more. But if she faces her desires, who’s to say she could ever turn back? 

(gif credit: @daeneryskairipa)

Cool cool, so freaking cool, I love these parallels so much, y’all. 

Now we get to explore the most Prime-like example of “guest-friendship” in The Odyssey.

Ogygia. Calypso’s island. 

[Fun etymology fact break: “Kαλύπτω” (kalupto), the word that lends its root to Calypso’s name, means “to conceal” or “to deceive.” Calypso is “the one who conceals,” she’s “the deceiver.” “Ὠγύγιος” (ogugios), which lends its meaning to Ogygia, means “primeval” or “primal.” The Primes...the first settlers of Sanctum...the ones from the earliest ages (another interpretation of the word). The Primes, the deceivers. The Primes, the primeval ones. Hmmm.]

(screencap from The Odyssey mini-series, 1997. btw, Vanessa Williams will ALWAYS be Calypso in my mind)

Calypso offers Odysseus a home on Ogygia, but he will have to abandon his dream of returning to Ithaca, to his home, to his wife, Penelope, and to his son, Telemachus. She actually prevents him from leaving for seven years (more warped passage of time a la the anomaly), effectively keeping him prisoner. But he wants for nothing there. He is fed and clothed and bathed and sheltered. 

Our heroes are offered a home on Sanctum, but it’s not all it appears. It’s not the paradise they’re lead to believe it to be. They’re deceived. 

[EDIT: Leah @braveprincess offered an interesting take on Calypso, which I absolutely HAVE to share with y’all:

Anyway, let my rant continue]

In order to stay, they must sacrifice Clarke, Madi too, and well, now, all of their people the Primes want to make into nightbloods. They’re prisoners in Sanctum. They can’t leave, not only because the Primes won’t let them, but because what awaits them is the Children of Gabriel and the mysteries of this new planet. Their best chance at survival is with the Primes. But that also means compromising and losing people they refuse to be without.

Bellamy is Odysseus now. Clarke is his Penelope. 

(gif credit: @bellarkedaily)

He won’t negotiate with the Primes. He won’t sacrifice Clarke. Shut up, I’m not crying, you’re crying. 

Athena asks Zeus to intervene, so he sends Hermes to tell Calypso she must release Odysseus. Odysseus leaves to continue the next, and last, part of his journey. His return home. 

Bellamy leaves Sanctum to save Clarke. Once he has her back, they can continue their final journey, building a home on this new world. Or so we hope. 

But who knows? We haven’t seen the finale yet. Maybe they’ll stay on this world. Maybe not.

Some people have been theorizing that they’ll return to Earth (via time travel or whatever it is, which I don’t really buy but whatever), which would be a really nice conclusion to the theme of nostos, but the problem with that is right now, there is no Earth to return to. Nostos only works if there’s a home to go back to. And that home, usually, must be unchanged from when the hero left to fit into the proper meaning of the word.

So, what would be the best way for The 100 to get our heroes back to Earth to fulfill this Odyssey-esque narrative that they (probably unwittingly) have set up? 

SEND ‘EM INTO THE ANOMALY!

Let them chill there, enjoy a little bit of paradise, let time pass super fast in the outside world while it passes normally for them, let Earth recover, and send ‘em back. But that bit is more of a pipe dream than anything else and I doubt that’s what they’ll do. I’m not a big fan of most anomaly theories, but I think that could be a cool one. Who knows.

Anyway, that’s all I have for today. Next week post-finale, I’ll probably work through the rest of The Odyssey, with Odysseus’s return to Ithaca, defeating the suitors, and winning his wife back, if all goes to plan with beating the Primes. So if you liked this (admittedly rambling half-cocked mini thesis paper), keep an eye out for that one. 

After this season, I’m gonna be doing a series on how seasons 1-5 are actually The Iliad, so if you wanna scream about Classics & The 100 with me, just drop a line in my ask :)

[eau-duresistance]

BNHA Headcanons bc I’m bored: teachers edition

General:

Every year, the teachers have an end of the year party. It’s kinda like a holiday party in that it’s formal, but it’s still wild. They also have an awards ceremony hosted by Mic, with all of the awards made up by him

Midnight has won “Horniest Teacher” 3 years in a row. It would have been 4, but Washer got a significant other last year and they have NOT shut up about it

Aizawa is a shoe-in for “Most Students Expelled” but during the year of Class 1-A, he wins “Best Class Dad”

All Might wins “Most and Also Simultaneously Least Improved”

Mic awards himself “Best Commentator Because I Do What I Want”

There’s also a Secret Santa amongst the teachers. The task of running it changes from person to person, but whomever it is, they always make sure Mic or Midnight buys Aizawa’s gift. He never complains, but no one knows what to buy him, and they usually end up buying it anyways

The teachers DEFINITELY shit-talk the students

Also, most of them LIVE for the drama. Especially Midnight and Mic. Snipe is oddly involved, and always has random details.

Since they’re also pro heroes, the teachers like to jokingly compare their stats. Because of their status as inactive, they’re not actually on the hero stat list, y’know, since they’re teachers, but they still do it. 

Except All Might. He doesn’t like bragging and so when they were playing the game he just kinda witnessed. Someone asked him jokingly after the Kamino incident and he replied with “Well it was #1 for like, ten years running. But now it’s zero. Not too shabby.”

Aizawa and Mic got married shortly after they both became teachers (about 5 or so years before canon proper). The entire staff was invited and so everyone knows, but they’re really private about it. They don’t really wear their rings at school bc Aizawa does NOT want people poking into his personal life, and Mic respects that.

Also: Tensei Iida was in their class and he was in the wedding party, so he brought Tenya along. He’s the only one outside of the staff at UA that knows, but he doesn’t know this, and just assumes everyone else is aware of their marriage

Also also: Miss Joke is actually good friends with Mic and Aizawa so she was also at the wedding and is very well aware of Aizawa’s privacy, which is exactly why she continuously asks to marry him – he wants to reply with “you know I have a husband, you were at the wedding” but he can’t

All Might:

He’s not an amazing teacher because he doesn’t have a quirk anymore, nor does he have a very helpful expereince because he’s a powerhouse, but he’s very well-liked by the students

He acts as the guidance counselor, mostly. He’s very emotionally competent and helpful

He also becomes head of the Media department – he and Midnight are the go-tos for any media related classes. 

He’s also AMAZING at coming up with hero names. Like, he just shoots them off like it’s nothing and they’re all gold

it’s because he pays attention

He gives every student a personalized card on their birthday. Every. Single. Student

He’s seen as the Face of UA, even tho he’s no longer in active duty.

Before Kamino, since it’s canon that All Might and Toshinori Yagi were publicly regarded as different people, he would do his own thing in his weakened form between classes

many students saw him like this and thought he was just another staff worker, because everyone else was really chill around him. They realized after Kamino

Toshinori Yagi and All Might are more or less seen as different people by the students – All Might is the larger than life hero, but Toshinori Yagi is their dorky teacher

Drinks a ton of tea

All Dad jokes all the time

Loves buying snacks for students and will 100% let them eat in class

Aizawa:

Lets you eat in class, but only if you have a good reason, and if it’s not distracting

He loves assigning opinion papers because he enjoys seeing the logic behind it. You can actually get a really good mark in his class bc he’s willing to agree to anything if there’s decent logic backing your argument up

Aizawa is very close with Shinshou and doesn’t really like to admit it because it’s technically favouritism and also illogical. But he sees a lot of himself in Shinshou and he’s just reminded of how hard hero classes were for him.

It’s actually canon that Aizawa has a frequent visitor’s card to a cat café. Mic is actually allergic to cats (like, badly) so they can’t have any at the apartment, but Aizawa takes Eri to the café a lot

Also yes, Eri is living with Aizawa and Mic. When she turns 10, they legally adopt her

So much coffee all the time

He’s a hypersomniac – basically he sleeps all the time and he can never get enough sleep. He’s not like, depressed or anything, he just really likes sleep.

He can’t drive. This is actually the main reason why Mic and Aizawa finally moved in together after dating for years – so Mic could drive Aizawa to work every day. When he doesn’t, Midnight drives

Present Mic

Lets you eat whatever the hell you want in class. The students have an ongoing contest to see what they can bring in without him getting mad

kaminari holds the record with a panini maker

If he thinks it’s funny, he’ll let you get away with it

He’s that super chill English teacher that always cuts you slack and offers extra credit, but he’s a CRAZY hard marker

Speaks four languages: Japanese, English, Inuktitut (language of the Inuit), and Cantonese

Present Mic actually travels a TON, the only person who has him beat for travelling is All Might. He goes on a vacation at least once a year, and he has a map in his house that’s marked to every place he’s been

Aizawa sometimes comes, it depends on the trip. He’s fine staying home

Will grade papers while doing his radio show. He has a segment called “Why the Hell Did I Decide To Be An English Teacher” where he reads absolutely butchered essays and cries about it.

He’s a night owl and never has enough sleep

Regularly mixes coffee and energy drinks

Mic’s sister married an Inuit woman who just did not like him. In an effort to impress her, he learned her native language. Now they shit-talk in Inuktitut

100% the teacher that makes songs up about grammar

Actually has a really nice singing voice, but he’s more about radio biz

KILLER at karaoke

Midnight

Lets you eat in class if you bring her something

She has a very strong stance on hero costumes – they should be practical and comfortable. She loves her hero costume (while she wishes it was a tad more exposing for ease, she’s happy with it) and is a strong advocate for practical but appealing costumes

Momo comes to her one day to talk about how she’s embarrassed when her clothes get torn off in public by her quirk, and if she should just accept it

Midnight immediately gets her a different designer. Same with Hagakure – you cannot have someone running around naked or close to it in battle. It’s not safe.

Very energetic, people love her classes

She’s understanding of problems like social anxiety and body issues, so she offers private sessions to work on public image

Strangely intuitive. Like she’ll make a choice for the student that seems insane but works out swimmingly

Hot chocolate kinda gal

Secretly loves girly things, but she’s a little embarrassed about it because of her mature image

She and Mt. Lady are actually friends. They tend to butt heads, specially in interviews, but they work weirdly well together

Easy marker

ok I’ll come up with more later lmao hmu if you want something specific. I wanna do ships later

[romeoandjulietyouwish]

My thoughts on Far From Home

Obviously spoilers

I LOVED this movie so much.

I thought it did a really good job of mixing drama and comedy while not undercutting the tone of the scene.

Peter tingle lol

Betty and Ned were such a cute couple (and very funny together)

I loved their dynamic and how perfectly Betty fit into the group.

I wish they addressed the effects of the snap/'blip' more especially for the high schoolers. I know they talked about it a little, but I just felt it was brushed over.

I would have liked to see something where they acknowledge how different things are or how fucked up it was. 

Mysterio= my new fav villain

I loved how they got the audience to trust Beck, seriously getting a charismatic actor to play someone you want the audience to think is a good guy is just perfect casting.

Side note, I did not know he was the villain going in

I really believed that Beck wanted to help Peter up until the scene where Peter gives Beck the glasses when Beck put them on for the first time. It's when I stopped trusting him, but before that, I had no doubts about him.

Every single time something was revealed to be an illusion, I freaked out no matter what. I never expected it and I never got bored of it.

I especially loved the ones that mimicked real life so it was even more of a shock when the illusion was revealed.

I really loved the contrasts between Peter trying to save the world and the goofiness of his high school friends

It created a nice balance of tone and made the movie engaging while also being really funny.

I surprised myself with how much I loved Peter’s relationship with MJ, I think they’re very sweet together and obviously care about each other a lot. That necklace thing was adorable.

Ok so the place scene with Happy was my favorite scene.

I really liked them showing the bond between Peter and Happy and their connection over losing Tony. I love how supportive Happy was, but also gave him some tough love when he needed it and both of them acted that scene super well

Not gonna lie, when Peter started building a suit and then Happy played acdc, I started sobbing.

The comparisons between Peter and Tony nearly killed me.

OK THE MID CREDITS SCENE HAD ME S H O O K

Literally, my jaw dropped. I’m so excited (and scared) for what happens next. I can’t WAIT to find out where this is going.

I have so many thoughts on the end credits scene. Generally, it just made me confused, but I hope it’s tying into the next Captain Marvel movie

Overall, this is my fav Spiderman movie. I just think that it continues the arcs of the characters nicely while also introducing new problems and conflicts between them. I really enjoyed all of the twists and unexpected surprises and this movie had a lot of nice, heartfelt moments.

I bet I forgot a ton of stuff, but this is just my thoughts after walking right out of the theater. Side note, I went with a friend and we were probably the most annoying people ever. 

Feel free to add your own opinions! Also hmu if you want to rant about it 😘

[saigeboredeaux-blog]

hello !! below you will find a Plot Page that i have stolen from several sources (aka everybody whose done one of these) !! u can like it, u can...not, like it, either way when i wake up after blacking out and writing this (like...later? today? technically?) i will b messaging ppl that i haven’t rly plotted w/ yet ! and i Guess i’ll come bother u if u do choose to like this !

saige bordeaux | intro | stats | pinterest | secret

grew up under real strict parents so now she’s constantly acting like a wild teenager because she has no ! self control ! very very impulsive, but like, also very bubbly. can talk forever. big on photography (portraits, mainly) and like, her bass guitar, and partying. she’s like...actually really smart (knows multiple languages!) but she’s just got so much big dumbass energy that it doesn’t even matter. has problems w/ substance abuse and essentially just hides her Bad Emotions under layers and layers of goofy obnoxiousness. sort of in love w/ everybody she meets. tries to befriend everybody b/c she can’t handle people...like, not liking her? hates being alone! tries to be busy 24/7 WANTED CONNECTIONS: i think more...antagonistic plots, would be interesting? y’know, like, ‘friends’ using her for her money, or because she’s got this fucking endless supply, or just b/c she’s a good time / a good fuck / etc. etc. bad influences, like, somebody where they just go Too Far with some shit whether it’s that sort of reckless selfishness in the name of having a Good Time or like...running from cops LMAO, y’know ?? on the other hand, good influences ! people who recognize that she’s Overcompensating with her actions. somebody who thinks they’ve got a thing going on and don’t realize that this is how saige is with everybody. more hookups are always welcome ! more party pals ! more genuine, close, soft friends !

*amos barot | intro | stats | pinterest | secret

rich-boy-gone-broke ‘cos his dad mc’fucked up and is in jail for like, credit fraud and embezzlement or something. dramatic, and excessive, but like ... in a classy way. super smart, like, will debate you on his smartness. will debate you in many things just for fun. a...stoner, honestly. doesn’t try to be funny because idk how to be funny but he Is Funny so Laugh (this is a threat) , but he does use humor as a coping mechanism b/c boy...do he got problems. has real bad insomnia, probably worsens his anxiety but he’s big stupid and won’t admit it. a smart ass, jack ass, and a dumb ass all in one. has a caffeine problem. has a fucking ego problem, too, lbr. gotta keep yourself disillusioned so you don’t crack! haha but a forced haha. chaotic bisexual but like how does he Fuck so often...i don’t know... WANTED CONNECTIONS: hnng...give me his Serious Ex Girlfriend. who he was very much in love w/ but life got real stressful and they just sort of. cracked under the pressure of. more ppl he does assignments for !! please, the juiciness of it all...people who keep bothering him to fix their like, laptops or something and he’s Tired. somebody catch him sleepwalking ... please ... he’s a danger to himself. smoking buddies. more debating buddies. hook ups galore. enemies, like...rivals. specifically rivals. but any sort of banter ? we love.  ** i MAY be switching him in season 2, but i’m not 100% yet.

*aleta evers | intro | stats | pinterest | secret

aaaa !! mean girl ! comes from a wealthy family but like...hates her dad...doesn’t talk to her siblings at all...is all by her lonesome if you don’t count her boyfriend. has...always been rude to people, like, she just doesn’t have a filter? acts and dresses like she’s more refined than she is but sometimes she just Goes off on somebody and it’s like ... stop. big on sports, can probably break your collar bone. has probably broken somebody’s collar bone before, actually. cries a lot but will yell at you if you point it out. on the inside she’s just Constantly Sad and few people get to see her be less...mean. very judgmental even though she’s not really in the place to. willing to start a rumor about you if you annoy her or like ... she thinks she can benefit from it. willing to manipulate other’s for her own gain. ruthless but like...a lil needy. WANTED CONNECTIONS: friends but like ... temporary friends ! like, let’s have her drop them ! or get into a stupid argument ! let’s build bridges and then BURN THEM. anybody she can flirt with even though she’s in a relationship / temptations that like ... give her the thought to cheat but she Never Pulls Through. people who are just like ‘ur relationship is bullshit lol’ but it falls on deaf ears ‘cos she’s ! stubborn ! ex-hook ups ? somebody she gets into...a physical fight with...because that’s SO like aleta sdnjfkg. people who know her siblings and are just like wow...ur nothing like them...you’re a bitch... ** i MAY be switching her in season 2, but i’m also not 100% yet !! 

cain romanov | intro | stats | pinterest | secret

rochester golden boy ! senator’s son ! major asshole ! these are all things of the PAST. essentially an untouchable asshole in lockwood. they just ... got away with shit too easily b/c of their parents. up and joined a cult and that left them Very Fucked Up and like...they transferred to hendrix to Heal from said Traumatic Experiences and to start Fresh, but alas ! everybody from their past is here and it Blows. is softer now. has like, four cats. doesn’t sleep often. climbs trees often. literally cannot be touched directly because it’ll send them into a panic attack. just wants to mind their business and like...get better. calm, hates conflicts Now. has a stutter and always wears leather gloves. probably, also, uses humor as a coping mechanism. like...don’t get them wrong...they Will tell you about the cult if the conversation steers that way but only because their therapist says that they shouldn’t try to avoid talking about it. WANTED CONNECTIONS: old enemies, current reconciliations. people they’re proving they’re different towards. people they’re just...trying to mend relationships with ‘cos when they left they dropped like...so many friends. amsterdam friends who don’t really know that they used 2 be a major asshole. people who treat them Softly ‘cos like...they pity them but cain Hates it. people sus of them ‘cos they’re...just a sus person. old bullying victims. just people who are ??? at them being Around. they don’t hook up but like....sexting, anybody ?? either they’ve never met or they know cain’s deal n they’re just like aight. we can work w/ this. 

as always you can find me here or on discord as emo stan#3644 -- whether it’s for convos or plots or like ... something ... hmu if you wanna learn about the two new muses i’ve been building and may or may not bring during season 2. also in case ur doubting my discord name ... i’ve been listening to a playlist called bop that Bussy ; emo version. i got distracted when they played bulls in the bronx. i wasn’t even a huge ptv fan. ok goodnight sijdfg

[jin-guang-ow]

I'm sorry but after your latest MoShang rant I feel the need to express my passion for those extras. The way MBJ just shows up to the Cang Qiong Sect and takes the bed and says SQH will continue to care for him tomorrow made me tear up a little. He coulda easily killed SQH for leaving him after he said he would devote himself to MBJ. Instead hes just like "ok just pick it up tomorrow" and claims the bed. I also loved the bits with SQH, SQQ, and LQG. Then the idea of MBJ being soft gives me life

EVERYONE SHOULD COME AND RANT AT ME ABOUT THEIR MOSHANG FEELIES!!! Idgaf what they are just HMU because I’m always here for a MoShang discussion haha

Awww heck, see I really loved that part because (1) it proves MoBei Jun may be an actual fucking ninja (2) He’s v sad because he trusted Shang QingHua, who honestly had every ability and reason to kill him, but didn’t (3) He immediately forgives Shang QingHua even though he has no reason to, and wow that could be interpreted in a lot of different ways, (4) he threw a pillow at Shang QingHua which was the most unexpected and absolutely adorable of actions ever???

Also no one gives Airplane Bro credit for being a sly little bitch??? He somehow manages to bullshit his way out of being murdered by MoBei Jun??? He then puts a bunch of salt in cakes and becomes the head disciple of An Ding peak??? He’s a little schemer and it’s v cute??? Also it’s very cute how he’s like “I made all this progress, isn’t it good???” to MBJ like… just praise him MBJ uwu (SOFT HEAD PATS HNNNNNNNNNGGGGG)

I loved the part with Original!Shen QingQiu because Shang QingHua pretends to be dead or something (apparently his most developed skill lmao) and SQQ is just like??? You little fuck get the fuck up (and then SQQ acts all tsun and has an upside book yeesssh I shouldn’t think this, but it’s kind of cute???)

Also SQH trying to stop his two sons from fighting is uhhhh kind of funny, and both of them are just like EXCUSE YOU?? Who ARE you to tell me this???

Then the next time it’s our Shizun and Liu QingGe just being friends??? And all their disciples hate them because LQG is beating them all up??? SQH is so confused by everything wahahahahahaha

AFTER MEETING AIRPLANE BRO OUR GRINCHY MOBEI JUN’S HEART GROWS THREE SIZES AND HE BECOMES SO SOFT AAAHHHHHHHH

uwu truly a story of our modern boys making all the demon lords gay unintentionally hahahaha

[vanessagalang]

Last week, I finally had the courage, and time to have my maternity shoot. 😀

It was such a surreal experience; it was a first time for everyone! My hair and makeup artist, the photo and video team, my husband, and of course, me!

I know it can be unnecessary, since we have so much to prepare for birth and the days after that, but I definitely wanted to push this idea to document this wonderful miracle while I can. And of course, it won’t be possible for me not to write about it here. Teehee!

So I’d like to share some tips and a guide on what you need to do just in case you’ll be holding your own momma-shoot!

Find a Comfortable Venue

I was 35 weeks when I had this shoot, and according to some of my readings, the best weeks to hold this photoshoot is when you are between your 28th to 35th. In this time, at least your tummy is showy enough to be captured, and at the same time, safer. We don’t want to be bothered by the fact that you can give birth any minute while posing for the camera, do we?

Photo Credit: http://sanrafaelriveradventure.com/

I tried looking for studios, and a good AirBNB place, but all the places I’ve looked for are either too cramped, doesn’t allow photoshoots, or are waaaaaaaaaaaaay too expensive!

Good thing, I stumbled upon a post in my feed about this cute getaway place in Bulacan. It’s called San Rafael River Adventure, and the place actually looks divine! 😀

They have a lot of fun activities that you can use for other types of shoots, like the prenup. But since I will just be using the entire accommodation, this should be enough.

It is highly important that you feel comfortable with the location or your venue, because of our condition. This is not the shoot where we can be adventurous. Leave it to the prenups and getaway trips! 😀

I booked the Glass Stilt Cottage, which is newly constructed by the way. I can’t believe I have a view of the lake in front of me! They have a comfy bed, and a jacuzzi. The space outside was enough to cater at least 6 people. There was a hammock, a sliding sofa, good lighting and a breezy weather to top it off. The air condition was good inside as well, plus the windows were perfect for those silhouette shots I was eyeing. Plus I thought that their rainy season promo was just perfect! So, what does a pregnant girl got to do? Book it right away of course! 😀

I am happy that the resort was very quick to reply, and I was given the available dates. I made a group chat, and voila, scheduled it right away together with the available dates of my team! 😀

2. Create Your Mood Board

I am a very bad pregnant-person-slash-client. Grr. I bash myself.

Oh well, I know I have to prepare for this weeks ago, but I was only able to send this to my team two days prior to our shooting day. I was too busy with some other things that I rarely had time to browse Pinterest or create a mood board.

But being the good crammer that I am, I was able to whip one just in time. Hehe 😀

Since I got a really good deal with Grid Studio too, (they are our civil wedding photo and video team by the way); they offered me unlimited shots, so yeah I want to maximize that. 😀

I thought about 5 sets and took inspiration from the things I found online, and of course with the available props and wardrobe that I have.

a. Whimsical Woman

I bought this pink ensemble way back in May, thinking it could be a good alternative for a bridal robe for my church wedding. But turns out, it could serve its purpose at an earlier date!

I also bought these flower crowns in SM. I couldn’t decide which one I like more, so I got them both. Haha Ayoko na pahirapan sarili ko! (I don’t want to have the burden of thinking which one is better!)

b. Simple and Laidback Mom + Hubby

I saw a lot of simples, and laidback shots that are perfect to include baby things, and the husband too. It looks soft on the eyes, very loving, and “very family”.

c. Boss Mama

This one is credited to my working-productive-self! Even though I’m pregnant, I am still very hands-on in my business especially that it’s new and the brand is just starting to pick up.

I always tell myself, I will not lose my identity and individuality just because of the new role that motherhood could bring; more so, it will be a big improvement. I will be a much better version because I’m adding a new role in my resume.

d. Boudoir

I actually wanted one before prior to getting married, but due to time constraints and indecisiveness, I wasn’t able to come up with one. Hopefully, when I get my body back post-pregnancy!

So in the meantime, I thought why not have one while expecting? It’s a totally new form because for once in my life I am not skinny, and I’ve got a few extra curves to flaunt. 😀

I can’t wait to share the silhouette photos! 😀

e. Summertime

Since I love wearing a bikini, and there was a Jacuzzi in our venue, there was no way I would pass on the opportunity of wearing one.

It was very funny too, because for once in my life, I have to buy an extra-large bikini! Haha 😀 I was pretty sad when I didn’t get the color I wanted because I was too big for the available Large size. Goodie, they have this red one that can fit my baby bump.

Which reminds me, I actually had a mini shoot wearing a bikini when I was in Bataan. I was 18 weeks here, and you could see how I just look ‘busog’.

3. Find a Good Maternity Shoot Team

This was easy. I was able to establish a really good relationship with my civil wedding photo-video-HMU team that I thought about them instantly. They actually haven’t done any maternity shoots, so this made the whole experience more exciting.

I actually thought of getting other suppliers, but I realized I will still get a better deal if I get my original team. I also saw some studios offering maternity shoots. Sure they are cheaper, but what I didn’t like is that they don’t give raw files of the photos, and they will only release like 5 to 10 shots, printed and edited. Plus there was no video too.

Grid Studio offered me unlimited shots, a video, printed photos and raw files, plus we can shoot anywhere I like, so yes, there was nothing left to discuss.

Elaine Cordova Makeup Artistry is such a good find too. She has done my makeup for a blog photoshoot and at my actual wedding, and I am really satisfied. She has great skills, plus I don’t have to burn holes in my pockets just to avail her airbush makeup. Elaine is also very instinctive, she knows what you want, asks for your makeup pegs, and deliberately retouches you every now and then, without you even asking.

4. Know Your Poses

Expect a lot of dreamy looks and belly-touching poses on a maternity shoot. So be sure your nails are polished! If you gain some weight and some extra chubbs in your face like I do, be sure you know your angles so you can still achieve the looks you want.

It’s also good to research poses with your husband/partner so things could go on smoothly. I am so happy that Rose and Michael of Grid Studio are very directive when it comes to poses. It was amazing how they handled and directed us even though it was also their first to cover a maternity shoot.

5. Prepare Your Props

We weren’t able to buy a lot of props, but good thing I was able to nick some of the random shopping baby finds we had. Plus it is so helpful that friends and family also gave their baby gifts earlier! Haha More props for us!

Here is the list of the props I think would help add more character to a maternity shoot:

Baby clothes

Baby shoes (Be gender specific)

Baby socks

Baby toys

Ultrasound Photos

Baby book / Storybook

Pregnancy book

Stuffed toy (I had a kangaroo with a little joey in its pouch)

A figure of the first letter of baby’s name (We didn’t have time to find one. Sad. )

6. Get a Good Night Sleep The Day Before

Please do! It’s good for your skin, and to rid those circles under your eyes. Plus it helps you to have good energy for the entire day!

I only had an hour’s sleep though. I was finishing bulk orders ready for delivery the next day, that’s why. I think my strong desire and excitement for the shoot to happen are what sustained me to last the whole day! 😀

7. Enjoy Being Gorgeously Pregnant and Pose the Belly Away

Honestly, I was extra weary that I won’t look great in this shoot, because I’m fat, my skin is dry, my belly button is protruding, my linea nigra is so apparent, my face feels like it’s going to burst, etc.

But hey, I am a walking miracle! That should be enough to keep me happy and make me feel beautiful. So I just accepted all these flaws that I have in my head, after all, these are all normal for a pregnant woman, duh?

So I just prepared myself that I won’t get the usual results in this photoshoot, unlike the past ones. I have to accept that early on. I will look different. Very different. But there’s a growing life inside me, and this little one is going to change my life forever. And being able to document that in a maternity shoot is already a blessing. Truly, something I would treasure for the years to come.

If you are thinking of having one too, I highly recommend it! It doesn’t have to put a big dent on your wallet though. You can always have the kind of shoot you want, whether in your home, studio, in a DIY setup, on the beach, or anywhere you find it comfortable doing. You just have to do your research, and be resourceful!

Go my mermom merfriends! 😀 Be confident and strut that baby bump soon! 😀 You only get pregnant once, or twice, or thrice! Haha 😀 Whatever the frequency is, it would be a great keepsake for your family to remember by, and a great photo to show the little one once he is outside too!

I will share my final shots when I get them!

Enjoy your pregnancy! I’m popping soon!

**, Via

7 Things to Do When Preparing for Your Maternity Shoot Last week, I finally had the courage, and time to have my maternity shoot. 😀 It was such a surreal experience; it was a first time for everyone!

[empyrealrealm]

Hey, hey ! Ellie here, and this is my babe Afredita:

Okayyyy, so lemme give you the run-down on this little brat:

She has been letting down her parents since April 1, 1996, when she came out as a girl as opposed to the boy they were expecting (oops).

Her father is a hot-shot director and her mother is an A-list actress. Due to their busy schedules, Afredita was in the hands of numerous nannies as she grew up. Please note the numerous, because she literally scared every single one away. {She’s got some funny stories, surrounding that tbh} (actually p sad because she was doing it to get attention from her parents but wtv).

She was always the center of attention, even though she never tried to be. This phenomenon was rooted in the mere fact of her effortless charismatic personality. She’s always just been defiant, rebellious, wild and fun - Basically if you were to go to a party, there’d be a crowd around her because people look to her to have a good time.

No attention from parents = looking for validation and attention in relationships. She is bisexual af. She prefers girls, but loves to lead guys on because she finds it entertaining. She acts as though she’s someone who cannot love another, but really she is just afraid of someone using her due to her parents’ $tatus, and she’s actually doubtful of love because her father would cheat on her mother nonstop. It’s a fact that is known by the whole world, cause it’s always on the media. Anyway, she becomes cold and burns down bridges when she feels like she’s getting too close to anyone intimately. 

She actually was a huge YouTube sensation, her singing voice different and unique enough to gain attention. She scored a record deal because of it, but that was quickly taken away due to her lifestyle. She hasn’t touched her channel since then. 

She gets bored really easily, so she tends to throw people out of her life cause she’s just bored with them. YiKeS. I know, I know. She also knows, but she just can’t help it. Comes with the fact she has money coming out her a**, okay?

Basically, her parents banished her until she learns how to behave because she had a huge drunken mental breakdown outside of a club and punched a pap. *shrugs* Now she’s here as punishment. 

Tbh, she has more depth than people give her credit for. She’s not only intelligent, but street-smart. She’s very warm, if she lets you get to know her. She’s humble, and hides behind her party life to mask her vulnerability. Hilarious, and if she has your back - don’t believe her when she says you’re not friends. She’s definitely someone you’d want in your corner.

Little tidbits: She’s an Aries..... Could’ve saw that coming. She is a secret lover of Harry Potter (Gryffindor) and has a deep appreciation for art. Her favorite sound is when someone is laughing really hard - their genuine laugh. She is very skilled at the piano and likes to just mess around on it from time to time. She has a soft spot for animals. Claims she hates kids, but kids love her and she isn’t the slightest bit mean to them whatsoever. Her number one weakness is when someone can call her out on her bullshit. 

SOOOO, ANYWAYS, SOMEONE HMU TO PLOT OR LIKE THIS AND I’LL COME TO YOUUUU~

[xxxdragonfucker69xxx]

space tourists from everywhere

The stars are burning. Derelict hulks of metal and incandescent vapor crash into each other soundlessly in the abyss. But that’s not your problem anymore.

There are five known intelligent races in the galaxy: the Nordics, Reptilians, Greys, Starchildren, and Mechanoids. They have spent the last dozen millennia at war with each other. The weapons and engines they built have devastated entire star systems. Their respective empires are built only to sustain the war, and survive the onslaught of the other four. That’s not your problem anymore either, because there is one place that the war does not reach.

Some millennia ago, the Nordics came across a backwater planet designated Sol III. It was inhabited by sapient life, still in its infancy; they had barely even begun to turn their attention to the stars. Its people, the humans, were dumb and blind, occupied by petty squabbles and divided into arbitrary tribes that sometimes moved at a technological snail’s pace. They attempted to enlighten some of the worst offenders, but soon deemed the experiment a failure and the planet worthless. In a rare moment of altruism, the Nordics called a temporary truce to discuss a piece of peace: an agreement that Sol III, Earth, would be preserved from the war. No race was to reveal themselves to the Earthlings, and all the races would leave space dark within ten thousand lightyears of Earth. Everyone agreed, shook hands, then promptly went back to killing each other.

Of course, the treaty was immediately perverted. Earth’s status as a neutral zone made it useful as a place for diplomats and spies to meet. And it became a popular destination for others as well: refugees, anthropologists and tourists. That’s you!

The treaty still stands, of course: you are not allowed to reveal yourself to the people of Earth. So you have purchased one of the many holographic, morphologic or mind-fuzzing disguises available to the discerning consumer, and set yourself up with an outwardly human life. Take in the sights! Experience frozen yogurt! Work in a cubicle! Pet dogs! All the aeons of technological advancement somehow had not produced anything like a Beyonce.

Choose a name, a cover, and a race. Your cover is the human disguise you have adopted: it probably includes a place to live and a job, since these are often deemed essential parts of the human experience. While wearing your cover you appear to all observers as a human being of probably eccentric description. Your race is one of the five, with an attendant trait:

Nordics: The Nordics interbred with the barbarian Earthlings on the northwestern continent while they were attempting to uplift them, and as a result modern humans look somewhat similar to shorter and less symmetric Nordics. When your cover is pierced, you may attempt a second roll to explain why you look like a tall and beautiful human.

Reptilians: The Reptilians are master social engineers and many hobbyists come to Earth to study its varied hierarchical systems. Sexism was a particularly fascinating revelation for them, as Reptilians have upwards of 20 genders. As a result, Reptilians have friends in most positions of power, whether they are undercover Reptilians or subverted humans.

Greys: The Greys long ago forsook physical stature for psychic power. You may choose either telepathy or telekinesis.

Mechanoids: The Mechanoids were built by the Nordics and immediately began fighting for independence, a race of sentient machines. Mechanoids can interface with any technology and each Mechanoid has its own gadget that can perform some specific use like a death ray or a chicken detector.

Starchildren: The Starchildren are born in the hearts of stars and are composed entirely of energy and vibrations in the 11th-dimensional fabric of reality. Their cover is a real human that they have possessed, and if their cover is pierced they can flee into another human, but their old host will remember long stretches of missing time.

Many aliens on Earth frequent alien establishments like the Orion’s Belt, a cat cafe that caters to Greys, or the Starry Plough, a pub where all aliens are welcome and humans are hypnotized not to notice aliens out of cover. Even if they don’t, most aliens know and socialize with at least a couple of other aliens, of their race or different ones. It’s lonely among all these humans!

The bane of alien tourists is that undying element of human society, the conspiracy theorist. They are out there with walls full of newspaper clippings and grainy photos, trying vainly to prove that aliens are real. When you do something that a human would not do, such as picking up a coffee cup with your robo-tentacle or stretching into another dimension so you can see through the person in front of you at the movie theater, roll a d6. If you can justify using your race or cover to help you, roll 2d6 and take the highest. On a 2-4, whoever’s watching you gets suspicious that you’re weird. They won’t necessarily pursue it, but you’ll have to be careful not to slip up again. On a 1, a conspiracy theorist was watching you, and is now hot on your tail. They will do everything in their power to set up situations for you to fail in. If you roll another 1 while a conspiracist is already watching you, your cover is pierced; it stops working and you have to deal with this human who has found out your secret.

people are gonna read that hook and think its super serious and then theyre gonna come in here and get a facefull of alien tourist shenanigans

i believe credit for this idea goes to rob @retroactivebakeries

i occasionally visit the starry plough irl and to my knowledge there are very few aliens there. they do support the IRA though

if you come up with a real name for this hmu

i like the vibe of this game and i think its very funny

man i should have waited until thanksgiving to post space invaders from europa! thats ok yall get this instead, consider it a prequel

[milatherese]

A Letter to My Proud, Social-Climber Friend

(If you reach the end and realize you are not the intended audience, please take these words to heart for some personal reflection. We could all use some personal improvement.)

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My dear friend,

Yes, “dear.” Despite our many differences, I think I can find some room in my soul to still call you “dear.”

I don’t know how to tell you what I’m about to write so I’m just going to get it all out in this open letter. As for who this letter is intended for, the world will never know. Just me (and possibly you). 

Around the first time we met, I shared with you I was close to some people in a field we are both greatly interested in. I invested time to develop friendships with many great people who you know of but didn’t know personally. I told you the names of such people out of excitement or when I was simply sharing my happiness, trusting that you would simply keep this information to yourself as a “random fact” about me or something of the sort. I didn’t expect you to abuse this information, especially in the way you did. 

You began using my name as a way to become connected to people I know and love. For lack of a better term, you were name-dropping my name. My name. I wouldn’t have known this if you hadn’t mistakenly name-dropped to someone I didn’t know. You asked me if I knew him and I didn’t. I thought you realized that you had made a mistake in name-dropping but I later found out that you either 1. never reached that realization or 2. ignored it. 

I know you would like to be friends with the people I’m close to but, please, start from the beginning. Greet them. Talk to them. Hang out with them. All WITHOUT saying my name. Go through the ranks of friendship: stranger, aquaintance, etc. Get to know them as a person in how they present themselves to you, not from what I tell you about them. 

I also know you are proud. And that’s great. Pride can be positive. You can be proud of your accomplishments that you worked hard to achieve. You can be proud of a delicious cake you baked. You can be proud of a friend who endured financial difficulties. 

However, pride can be harmful to you and others. The times you bragged about an accomplishment is okay. But when you lied about it... no, no, no. That’s just wrong. I can list many instances when this has occurred (many even involving defaming me) but for length purposes, here is one that happened very recently.

It was concerning my knowledge of peeling pickles (obviously not the topic but I thought changing it would help preserve the identity of the intended audience from the unintended audience; also, it’s funny). You met someone (let’s call him Fernando) I met only a little while before you did. Somehow the two of you got into a conversation about peeling pickles. Fernando then pointed at me and said “That’s great she can peel pickles, isn’t it?” to which you replied with “I taught her.” 

You know that’s not true. You had asked me before how I learned to peel pickles to which I replied with “I learned how to peel pickles from my mom, school, and being with people who also peel pickles.” Instead of saying that, you simply told Fernando “I taught her.” In doing so, you took all the credit for something I put time and effort into. You let pride get the better of you. 

I know it’s easy and it feels good inside to be acknowledged for your accomplishments, even when they may not truly be your own. Bragging about acing a test and teaching me how to peel pickles are not the same thing. The first instance, you truly deserve bragging rights. The second, not so much. Please give credit where credit is due. It could be humiliating to do so but it is for the better – it’s humbling. Trust me. I know this because I was like you before (until God smacked me in the head and brought me to my senses).

I hope you learn to step down from your high horse. There is no need for you to make up for any lack of height (it’s just a number). Quit trying to skip friendship levels. Stop name-dropping. Be honest with yourself. I don’t know how else to say this but I hope this letter opens something in you (if it opens anger, that’s fine, you can be angry at me for this).

You may never read this, but I hope you do someday.

Also, I still care for you. Even if in the future we have a falling out, I’ll still be here. Just hmu and I’ll answer. 

-m